Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Practical Medicine

Doctor's instructions for treating puppy's ear infection:
Flush puppy's ears with Epi-Otic. Squeeze small amount of Mometamax into each ear. Massage medicine into ears. Repeat once daily for 7 days.

Practical administration:
1. Capture puppy. (Allow at least 10 minutes for this.)
2. Bring puppy to bathroom and attempt to lift puppy's ear.
3. Capture puppy.
4. Repeat step 2 with bathroom door closed.
5. Sit on edge of bathtub and restrain puppy between legs.
6. Administer medicine as per doctor's instructions while keeping mouth and eyes closed to avoid swallowing or inhaling medicine due to violent puppy head shaking.
7. Open bathroom door and release puppy. Listen to sound of puppy hurling herself on bedroom carpet to remove medicine from ears.
8. Capture puppy.
9. Remove puppy from bedroom and close door.
10. Listen to sound of puppy hurling herself on sofa cushion to remove medicine from ears.
11. Capture puppy.
12. Wipe medicine from clothes, bathroom and sofa surfaces.
13. Take aspirin.
14. Resolve to have boyfriend administer all future doses.

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